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Struggling with controlling impulses seems to be a common problem among traumatized children. It doesn’t seem to matter whether that trauma was in utero from drug or alcohol exposure, or inflicted during early life. Our adopted children, with a trauma history, FAS, or RAD, seem to all have struggles with impulse control. Sometimes, it seems like the behavior was intentional.
I have often asked my 11-year-old recently adopted daughter if she thought about the consequences of her actions. I have also asked if she would want another person to treat her or her property the same way. She always tells me that she doesn’t think about the consequences of her actions until she is finished. It is only then, that she realizes that she should not have done it. Of course, she is adamant that she wouldn’t want someone else treating her that way. Nor would she want another family member to destroy her belongings.
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I don’t believe that her vandalism is intentional or malicious. I do believe that she just acts first, and thinks, later. She has run into the same impulse control issues with school. For example, she sees another child is finished with an assignment and is playing. She is not even close to being finished. However, instead of taking her time to do her best work, she will guess, or leave answers intentionally blank, so she can play too. Later, she was visibly upset by the poor grade she received.
She once told her therapist that she was getting “Cs.” She explained that she wasn’t always paying attention, and sometimes didn’t do her homework. She was actually shocked to receive three ‘Es’ on her report card. She had no idea that she had let her work slip that much. She is extremely bright. However, she is perfectly happy to strive for Cs to avoid working too hard.
She is taking Adderall to help with her ADD. While it seems to help her concentrate and stay on task, it hasn’t really helped her impulse control.
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